A good amount has changed in the last few weeks. Everything between Nathan and I is done, it seems he is not even able to have a friendship with me so that is totally done and over with. Which I was happy to finally know and felt relieved and totally able to move on, although after a week I realized I was kind of sad about it but there wasn't much I could do about it so I just had to move on. After finding out we really were done I started actually dating again, I've had a few guys after me for some time now and I went ahead and went on some legit dates with them and even a few new guys. It was very lovely and fun to do, I enjoyed actually socially dating which is something I haven't ever really done. It also got a little overwhelming trying to whittle them down to ones that I really clicked with and would have a possibility of being with.
There was one person who I really clicked with. We connected really well, were both mutually very interested in each other. He is just as upfront and honest as me and has amazing communication skills which won my trust and respect right off the bat. Things moved quickly with us and we are actually dating, like full on romantic, serious, relationship status. It's pretty crazy because we have a lot of the same beliefs and interests. So much so that we're pretty sure this is either going to go amazingly or it will go horrible.
Besides being honest and having great communication skills the big thing that helped win me over was when I told him about my past. He told me he has never had any exposer to abuse or those who have but that he did not judge me for it, it does not change the way he sees me, and that if I ever need his help or support to let him know and to keep good communication up with him during my times of healing.
We have only just started dating exclusively so of course I am terribly happy to have him in my life right now. Even more so because I have been having some abuse issues and haven't been feeling the best because of it and it has been wonderful having him to talk to a bit about it. I must say I am tentative and scared at times to say much of anything to talk as much as I would like to about it because it is so new and I'm scared it will totally scare him off, but so far he has been very supportive and I'm pretty sure he will stand by me through whatever I have to go through but I'm still worried.
A few months ago, possibly even half a year ago I got his book called "Allies in Healing" it is a book for partners of survivors. I figured it would be a great book to help out whoever I might end up with. With the new relationship I am now reading it myself before I give it over to Erik (the boyfriend) so I might have a better idea what he might end up going through, and also know what I can do to make the process easier on him. At times I feel horrible because the abuse doesn't just affect me but it will end up affecting him too and if it wasn't for his relationship with me he wouldn't have to deal with such things, at other times it really encourages me because I am so far along in my healing that I'm already way past the worst of it so he won't be pushed and pulled so thin.
I am 12 years going on 13 in my healing, and most of it I have done totally on my own. Tuesday, Valentine's day I had a doctors appointment, when writing my history if they ask about possible abuse I always write down mine. For the first time the lady asked about it and asked if I have reported it, which I haven't, although I've felt like I needed to do so soon. So she stayed with me for comfort and solicited my reports. So I filed one against my Uncle which was done to Idaho DHE. I attempted to do one against my ex step mom, done to the California DHE, but with them because I did not have her date of birth or her current address they wouldn't even write up a report. Which really annoyed me, even more so because of the DHE investigation going on here in my house.
Erik helped out on that day too, besides the appointment we spent the whole day together, starting off with a nice hike in the Gorge area, then after my appointment he got really good pizza for us for dinner and showed up with that and chocolate and wine knowing what I just went through. We curled up on my bed and watched a movie.
Alright I have to get to bed, we start our big sale at work tomorrow and I have to be their earlier than normal so I need to get my sleep.
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