Still learning

Last week I had an amazing break threw with my healing. One that I was needing to do for a very long time. It has opened up many doors for me which is really good. Due to all the abuse I had received as a child and the fact that one of my very first relationships was a horrible, shitty very abusive one I've always had issues with relationships and actually letting someone in, along with feeling sexual pleasure.
 Although given time and me constantly working on things I have gotten better, instead of always turning down every chance at a relationship or closeness with a guy I've managed to actually get into a few these last few years, and even had my first real love. Even though that came at a hard cold price it was still a great learning experience, and it taught me that I could actually love someone and allow myself to be loved in return.

Sadly though since that one relationship and learning break threw I've sat idly by hoping things would change and be better without me doing any of the dirty work, until last week. I've finally accepted and realized that if I do actually want the chance and ability to get into a solid relationship someday then I really do need to work at it. I still have work to do within myself and it is about time I've started.
 I've been feeling this coming on all summer yet wasn't sure what it really was but even my body was telling me I had some new healing to do, my jaw was getting really bad as time went on, causing horrible headaches, I should always realize this is a big sign for me saying "Hey! It's time to work on yourself again and get some more healing done!" Of course it would be some of my old physical injuries from abuse that would start hurting when I need to work on things again... :/

On the bright side I did finally listen and last week I did start on my path, but from now on I need to remember that I need to keep working on this issue, it isn't going to just go away on it's own, I have to constantly work on it. I also need to constantly work on trusting others, but also to be smart about who I trust and also let them know that I am working on trust, and what I expect so that they can help me as well. For it is unfair to set boundaries, rules whatever for someone and expect them to follow when you don't even tell them what they are.