So this guy, who has inflicted my mind once again, so easily. I have no clue where this might go this time, because it is different. I don't know what happened but that other lady hurt him somehow. There's been an anger in him this time. That beautiful peaceful energy of his that I first met has been disturbed with whatever inner turmoil he needs to go through right now.
Which of course ties in one of my earlier blogs about how you can't always help someone or that some help it actually bad 'cause it ends up hurting you. Anyways this of course isn't one of those situations where the guys is damaged to the core for some totally unknowable reason. This is the healing process of a single relationship gone wrong and the pain that it caused. Which at some point we have all or will all go through.
Although this isn't quite the same situation as I talked about in that blog it has some similarities. I have to remember that this is something he has to master himself, and I have no part in it.
We all have our lessons in life we must go through and learn from, some easy, some very hard.
Now I just realized that my description of someone capturing your mind so quickly might of came off to some as kind of an infatuation, which for some people and sometimes it might be. This one isn't really that kind of case though, because although after having spent some time with him I can admit I wouldn't mind a romantic relationship, for the most part, at least at the beginning I mainly just want his friendship. A chance to get to know him better, to form a bond. The basic human one to one connection with another. For it isn't often that you meet someone with an energy that is similar to your own but different enough too, so that they have the change to balance each other out. In my experience so far in life with these cases being around that person, even in the beginning brings a comfortable even safe feeling.
Eh I've had so many thoughts going threw my head today, most of the very conscious ones dealing with this but other more subdued ones going over figuring out what are my triggers for my what had use to seem totally random heart palpation. I had a very hard, fast one last week, luckily it only lasted a few moments. I went to my mother shortly after just for some comfort because when they are that hard they can be kind of scary and some physical contact like a hug from a loved one just makes things all better. I told he what had just happened and he looked at me and asked what was the trigger, after I said I did not know she told me that those things usually come with some trigger, the smallest of subconscious thoughts can set them off, which also makes the so hard to figure out what the trigger is. At first I shrugged it off but then I started to think more about it, and realized there was a trigger to that one. So now I'm trying to remember if that was anything about some of the others, but since they are so far apart and few (which is good) I don't remember anything. It seems that I must keep that in mind so the next time one comes on I can quickly wonder what was it's trigger and see if I can pinpoint it. This last one I was watching some tv and saw a snip-it of Family Guy where Meg was unknowingly having sex on live tv. Something about that situation really set it off and irked me. Thoughts to think about.
Besides that today I worked all day, both jobs. It was such a beautiful day here, a prefect temperature and very little wind so the river was all beautiful and glossy, as I walked to my 2nd job of the day I wanted nothing more than to go home, grab my sit on top kayak and go out on to that river. Sadly though with the days ending sooner now I didn't get the time to... :/ maybe next week I might get the chance.
Heh so as I'm rambling on in this blog the guy texts me basically saying he things we would slow down on him and I, and I shouldn't stay over until after we've talked. Tomorrow I am going to the town he lives in, where a lot of my other friends still live in too. I had promised some of them that the next two days I had off I'd come and visit. Well that just so happens to be this Friday and Saturday, so I leave tomorrow after work. Well last Saturday unknow to my other friends I came down and spent the whole day and night with him. Anyways I told him after I told the others that I was coming down these days, and said if allowed I'd love to stay with him this trip. He seemed to like the idea and was down for it. Although now it seems that whatever it is he is dealing with right now, that turmoil that I've been noticing has came in between us. Which I knew it would eventually, I just wasn't expecting it to happen so soon, but the sooner the better I guess. I was just hoping for the chance that we might get to create a slightly stronger bond than this before this came up, and also was really looking forward to the chance of getting to spend time with both him and my other really good friends this trip instead of picking one or the other and even trying to get those two houses to meet this time.
I just find it ironic that when I finally voice the possibility of "romantic relationship" with us, meaning on this blog that I'm pretty sure no one reads, and also to my best friend, Travis, who is one of the people I'm visiting tomorrow, letting him know why I wasn't staying with him and his house. That this comes up and possibly derails that thought. Heh
In any case, maybe I'll get lucky and will get to talk to him tomorrow night and come to a solution for the moment for us, and if I'm really, really lucky, maybe my hope of having his house and Travis's house meet each other might still happen 'cause I'm sure all of them would get along great.
Although I'm sure whatever it is he is going through right now has got to be hard, and thus I will have to wait for when he is ready.
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