:/

I try to work on healing a little bit every day, usually right before bed, when I am snuggled up in my bed in my room, all alone, that is when I feel safest. Tonight though I am unable to feel comfortable enough to work on healing although I really want to.
 My mother said something to me that really hurt me and mad me feel uncomfortable and unsafe, which of course what I would of been working on is feeling safe tonight, but as I was going through some of that reading and exercises I just couldn't find it. My chest is tight, my heart is flighty... I do not feel comfortable or safe in my own home tonight.
 My mother had me a few days before she turned 20, when she was married to my biological father who is a total ass, and beat her among other things. She left him and for some time raised me as a single mother, and a young single mother at that. As a child of such situations there is always the scare, the worry that the parent regrets having you at that time in their life. Tonight in a stupid fight when she was over reacting to the way I was testing out the new microwave she said such a thing to me, in a rude, mean voice. Now I do realize she didn't mean it, most likely but it doesn't change the fact that it cut deeper than a sword ever could.
 I don't know why she was in an angry , quick snappy mood for a bit tonight, but she turned it on me and did more damage then I'm sure she even realizes, or could ever imagine.