At work one of my co-workers has been making everyone else's working life uneasy, stressful, the works. She demanded only to work Monday-Friday and only the opening shifts, making it so me and the other font lady had to work weekends no mater what. She has also had a constant bad attitude to us, being rude, mean, the kitchen staff has been calling her crazy for the past few months. She always had a cold, bitchy front but once you got to know her she was okay. Well this whole month she has been cold and bitchy down to the core. Last week she straight up ignored me and the other front co-worker, she also yelled at me for a BS reason and then went back to ignoring me. She also basically stole one of the kitchen staff's personal coffee machine and put in the front for her to use for hot water. When I found out that she didn't ask if it was okay I toke it down and put it in the back with a note saying that wasn't okay. I guess when she got the note she flipped out.
Over the weekend I was dreading the thought of having to work with her again because of how she has been this month. So in hopes of making things better I wrote her another note, saying I was sorry for the last one, that I didn't mean it to be rude or taken badly. I also added in that I have enjoyed working with her in the past and hope we could get through this tension. Blah blah blah, it was all very nice and sincere anyways, and I put a lot of thought into it too. I figured maybe if I took the initiative and acted like an adult it would help her realize how much of a bitch she's been and straighter herself out.
NOPE, I was so wrong. I came in today knowing it was going to be our first encounter since the apology note. At first she seemed fine. She went out for a smoke and then came back in where she walked up to me, slammed her hand down on the counter and started going off on me, in a very rude, raised voice. She was insulting me, calling me a little girl and that I better never "fucking" tell her what to do, that she had more experience than me, constantly trying to emphasize the little girl part like she was trying to assert her dominance over me. Yeah lots of practically yelling, putting me down, basically throwing my apology in my face. On top of that she did this in front of customers. Yeah I was pretty livid.
A bit after all that once I had dealt with the customers I decided to take a step out to cool down. On my way out I felt tears well up to my eyes. Most encounters like this don't affect me, they make me pissed for sure but they don't make me break down and cry. So I asked myself what the hell is up with this? Then it hit me, the way she acted reminded me all too well of Stacy, the step-mom that beat me, emotional abused me and neglected me. All of a sudden I was slammed right back to that 2-5 year old girl who was told she wasn't worth anything, who almost every time Stace snapped like the co-worker did today it ended with a hard military trained smack. So since that moment today I've been feeling very unsafe. I managed to pull it together during work, and gave the bitch my "I am stronger than you" face, along with a cold shoulder and not nice looks. I did call the owner after work today and told her what happened. On the way home though my strength, my mask of I'm okay started falling. I kept reminding myself that I needed to hold it together for a bit longer. I almost totally broke down once I hit the driveway and did by the door. Now I'm down in my room. A place where I feel safe, I've broken down and will probably do so a few more times tonight...
Older women, like 50's and above, going off their fucking rocker at me and yelling at me seems to be my trigger for the abuse that Stacy did to me. I am aware of it now, I'm not sure how to go about fixing this one right now though... I don't know where to start besides now just being aware of it. And I still feel so unsafe and unprotected today. It really sucks.
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