Why Blog? And Role Models

Why I blog about this healing process:
 In some ways it's my "yelling at the world" that these things happen. It's me speaking up, but in my own way. Also if another survivor happens to stumble upon this there is a chance it might help them. Even in the simplicity of knowing they aren't the only ones going through it.

 Role Models:
I've been told by a few friends that I am their role model, their inspiration in a tough time. Letting them know that no matter how hard things get you can get through it. Having lived through all the abuse I have, and also the last few years of my medical history, having a double leg surgery and getting a drug resistant staph infection from it, that colonized in my body, and then my G.I. track failing. A lot of my friends watched as my body withered away and I dropped under 90lbs. Yet were inspired by how every time they saw me I was smiling. That some how I would wrangle up the energy to make it to our social dances, although not always able to dance but to still be there with them. They learned from me how to make the best out of what life has given you, and even if it's a shitty situation it's not going to last, especially if you keep a good attitude, keep your chin up and keep fighting.

What my friends don't know is that a lot of them are MY role models. My inspirations. They are the people who have never been hurt and broken by abuse, they grew up with mostly normal, healthy childhoods. They have managed to have good healthy relationships, some of them even married now, and with beautiful children or children on the way. They are the people I look to, and inspire to be like, not pulled down by abuse. To be able to have a healthy, safe, relationship. To enjoy healthy sex of my choosing. Through them I can see what it should be like, what my goals are. I may not have been able to see it for myself but I can see their healthy, normal-ish lives (what is normal anyways? :D ).