Funny how the loss of someone, something makes you realize what you really had. Although I am exhausted and have been for the last few hours now, I don't want to go to sleep because once I wake up in the morning it will be real, truly, completely real. Part of me wants to scream and rage and shake him and tell him he was suppose to reassure me and tell me "of course we will make it work, we can totally do this" on the other hand it is nice to know that I wasn't the only one feeling like we were fading apart this last week, that it really wasn't just me and my commitment issues pushing him away, that there really was a legitimate reason besides me being a weak link. A part of me wants to run to him and reassure him that we can make it work that we can do this...
I'm sad that we had such a short time together. We match so well, and got along wonderfully, in other circumstances I'm sure we would of had some amazing adventures together. And I'm sad that our last days together were pretty blah and of both of us not wanting to bring up what we were feeling and yet unsure of what to do. I wish they would of been amazing and full of joy and laughter so that we could of at least parted ways on that kind of note, with memories of smiles and fun times together.
I've told him that if you can he should come here Thursday of Friday evening once I'm done with work and we can go play some laser tag and maybe have a bottle of wine afterwards that way we can part with happier memories. I hope he accepts.
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